On December 4, 2010, my love of 6 years left me. For 21 days, I was in denial. For 30 days, I was angry beyond all measure. Aside from a brief point in the middle of those days where I had to face the possible death of a loved one, I have been in hell. Today is no different; the hell I face is.
This morning, I awoke with out anger for the first time in weeks. There was no malice in my heart. No rage to put down. My eyes are open and clear and the I walk into a bitter dawn. Nearing the end of my anger I started bargaining. So that just leaves depression and acceptance.
I guess now its time for the real pain to begin...
On Pain
Kahlil Gibran
Even as the stone of the fruit must break, that its heart may stand in the sun, so must you know pain.
And could you keep your heart in wonder at the daily miracles of your life, your pain would not seem less wondrous than your joy;
And you would accept the seasons of your heart, even as you have always accepted the seasons that pass over your fields.
And you would watch with serenity through the winters of your grief.
Much of your pain is self-chosen.
It is the bitter potion by which the physician within you heals your sick self.
Therefore trust the physician, and drink his remedy in silence and tranquillity:
For his hand, though heavy and hard, is guided by the tender hand of the Unseen,
And the cup he brings, though it burn your lips, has been fashioned of the clay which the Potter has moistened with His own sacred tears.
It is the bitter potion by which the physician within you heals your sick self.
Therefore trust the physician, and drink his remedy in silence and tranquillity:
For his hand, though heavy and hard, is guided by the tender hand of the Unseen,
And the cup he brings, though it burn your lips, has been fashioned of the clay which the Potter has moistened with His own sacred tears.
